Radical Desires (Beneki, Jan, Teema)

There, within the epicenter of a room sat a singular figure shrouded in shadow, only illuminated by the scant lighting upon the wall, and even then the only thing that remained was a vague silhouette. The Arrancar's brow was marred by frustration as thoughts raged within. These thoughts were of lust, of ambition, and of vengeance as memories of the past flickered about, and problems of the present presented themselves. There was the secret infatuation with the Primera Espada, the person who had shown him a new life inside the sanctity of these walls. Then, to make matters worse there was the issue of the Tenth Espada, Amatsu, he seemed to have a connection with the Primeria that most Arrancar would die to have, or at least a connection he would die to have. He hated the man for it, envied him perhaps, and as a result had the ambition to steal what he had.

Mugen had often pondered why she seemed to have eyes for Amatsu and not himself, noting that Amatsu was even of lower rank, and that the fact she still noticed Amatsu more was even more of an insult to his status. The whole trivial affair made Mugen disgusted with himself, and as a result he was angered even more. Finally...the icing upon the cake, the cherry on top of the icecream was that Mugen utterly despised Hollow..which meant that by default he hated himself. Mugen remembered everything about his human life, and while his emotions were far from what they had once been, he still felt...pain at the memories. All of these...trivial emotions, things he'd much prefer to be without, yet another thing he envied about the tenth Espada. Mugen would much prefer to be a shell of a being, a doll without a reaction.

However, as much as Mugen wished that to be, it would never happen, because unlike his previous life Mugen could not choose how he acted, after all he had assimilated so many different souls..that each came with their own personalities. It was a wonder he even had any semblance of his former self, yet here he sat, a shell of his once joyous personality. These issues are why Mugen had opted to miss out on the meeting, he knew that in this current state he was prone to vast amounts of irrationality. He figured it was best for him to sit out, not wanting to stir unnecessary issues, yet as he reasoned that he also had the desire to show up and practically dare...to beg anyone to bother him so that he would have the smallest excuse to lash out. So there he sat, the ninth Espad a of rage, a shell of a shell , portraying the aspect of death known as self pity instead of rage. It was quite sad really, yet even creatures meant to be indomitable had their weaknesses. Mugen needed a distraction, something to take his mind off of these...disgustingly human thoughts and bring him back to the reality of his true nature, because right now he was just a brooding teenager. Perhaps fate would lend a hand?....or perhaps it would provide the cataylst that would tempt provocation?

Mugen, who had found nothing better to do than to sit in his room and sulk would begin pondering this life's most philosophical questions. These questions, would begin with the most obvious, that being his purpose...the hollow's purpose. From all he could understand it was thier purpose to feast upon human souls...and then to create a balance between the influx of souls with the soul society.. It was just one big grand game that...by someone's desgin they were all forced to play. They were all pawns..everyone..every single last species upon this planent regardless of power..regardless of anything.. Everything was quite frankly pointless. Annoyed with his self realization Mugen would find that sitting within his dark chamber brooding was proving fruitless, so without further adieu he would rise and would turn upon his heel, exiting the chamber in preference to stretch his limbs a bit.

Topic Closed/Exited due to inactivity.